Two of us were talking in the lunch room the other day and we began to wonder what other employees did for a living before coming to Velsoft.  Well, it started to really bug me and I decided to visit our HR department for some snooping research. Unfortunately, Sandra was out so I had to access the files on my own. The only filing cabinet I could pick look at was one that was mysteriously labelled “Reprimand”.  It’s amazing how looking at their past gave so much insight into who they now are. This is some of what I found out.
 
Rachael (Project Manager) apparently used to live in Kingston, Ontario where she taught art at the maximum security P4W. The artwork of the inmates was so good that Rachael began a not-for-profit called Cellblock Images that sold the artwork and provided funds to help the John Howard Society.
 
It turns out when he was younger, Michael (Chief Happiness Officer) was lead singer (and songwriter) for a country group called The Barn Boys and Michael. Some of the songs he wrote and performed included: My Dog is Dead, Wrangle This, My Heart Sizzles in the Frying Pan of Love, and their signature song — Saturday Night Barn Dance.
 
Maria (Marketing Associate) was very entrepreneurial and had many part-time jobs that she parlayed into a full-time living. She was a professional bridesmaid (reportedly making $2,000 a wedding), professional mourner and professional line-stander.  I was told Nathan(Software Developer) was surprised when she showed up at his wedding — turns out she had been hired as a mourner by a couple of his former girlfriends (not sure what she got paid).
 
When Ian T. (Manager IT) was in university he started a church (New Church of the Holy Code). It seems the only criterion for membership is that you had to be a programmer. I guess that’s why their music was binaural beats and isochronic tones.
 
I found it extremely interesting that Bonnie (Account Rep) was previous employed as a sensory scientist at Oil of Old Lady. She had to judge the effectiveness of lotions and facial cleansers by rubbing her hands over the faces of test subjects. Her hands are so sensitive that Oil of Old Lady insured them for $1.2 million against dryness!
 
Before coming to Velsoft, Carol (Senior Editor) was a reporter and editor for many provincial publications, however what we didn’t know is that she started out as a fortune cookie writer at Wonton Foods in New York City. She mentored under Mr. Fortune cookie, Donald Lau. Some of her more memorable sayings were: ‘Problems are only in your head’, ‘Today is a good day to diet’, ‘Each day a happier miserable’ and ‘You will receive an important message from a handsome person’.
 
What’s in the Pipeline:
  • Jan is working on our latest eLearning courses and some custom work for Food Processors.
  • Keith is doing components for Digital Citizenship and some custom work.
  • Carol is working on the Communication Strategies Refresh and editing our soon to launch website refresh.
  • Ian S. is doing research for the refresh of our Softskills courses and other projects.
Tech topics:
  • Work is in progress on a badging feature.
  • Work is in progress on a custom pages feature
 
Course Count:
 
Here is the official count of courses for both courseware and eLearning, broken down by Computer and SoftSkills.
Computer
SoftSkills
Total Courses
Courseware
282
162
444
eLearning
863
162
1025
Did you know:
  • One in three parents don’t have a clue what their children do for a living. Two in three children don’t have a clue what their parents do for a living.
  • 2.5% of job seekers in Canada say the interviewer has passed wind during their interview.  This rises to 5.3 per cent in the U.S. Not sure what it is at Velsoft. Dave says it’s much higher and he would know!
  • 2:20 p.m. is the most common time for people to ‘nod off’ at work. Although with Ian S., it was 20 past each hour until he discovered the wonders of Pepsi!
  • The average time spent by recruiters looking at a resume: Five to seven seconds. Sandra tells me this number is way too high — just saying.
  • 78% of resumes are rejected for an unprofessional email address. Marty, you may want to change yours to something other than SmartyMartyPantsOnFire@Mensa.com 
  • 95% of hiring managers look at a candidate’s social media profile. Again, for Maria —95% of hiring managers look at a candidate’s social media profile.